What's Swedish for "damn tired?" IKEA.

We left early this morning, around 8:15 a.m., anticipating oodles of downtown Orlando traffic.

We were not disappointed.

Once we arrived at the new IKEA, though, I was pleasantly surprised that we didn't have to wait hours in line to get inside. Our timing was perfect. Sure, we had to wait a little while, but so did the Jews and look how well they made out. (I have Jewish friends. I can write that.)

Immediately upon entering we were enthusiastically greeted and handed gift cards, which is how I think every shopping experience should start out. Now, had we been one of the first 100 people in line, we would've received a chair. Somehow, though, I think sleeping in a tent outside an IKEA store is worthy of a little more than a chair. Especially since an IKEA chair is, like, 43¢ or something. (I exaggerate, of course, but not by much.)

Now, within 15 minutes of our arrival, poor Craig has a "low blood sugar thing" and needs food pronto. Much to my surprise, there's already a huge crowd at the restaurant. Craig gets in line and I run to the bathroom, where I end up standing in a second line. NOTE TO IKEA: You need more women's bathrooms in the Orlando store. And the toilet paper dispenser in stall #2 is a bit finicky.

After several minutes educating the woman behind me about how to properly "shop IKEA," I take my turn and immediately head back to Craig. We make our brunch choices, which of course included the Swedish meatballs and end up sharing a table with an elderly couple who admit, "we're too old for this kind of thing." I think, "Yes, probably. You could easily perish beneath a pile of sheepskin rugs if you're not careful."

Once satiated and properly sugared up, we get back on task... er... shopping.

Friends, let's just say that it was great. And frustrating. But, mostly great. I had forgotten how big IKEA was. That it would take hours to snake through the whole thing. That there was gobs of stuff that begged to be held and, yes, loved. Most of all, I had forgotten how mommies with strollers and cranky babies made me so insane. Now, granted, I shall eventually be one of those mommies, but for now I just have to ask, "Is the opening day of an IKEA store the ideal time for you to shop with your twins?"

*sigh*

We ended up buying a much-needed window treatment for our living room window, which is massive at 120" x 72". We also bought a couple of other things that we needed for our kitchen, including great handles at two for six bucks. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

Speaking of, Barry, the IKEA kitchen guy, was wonderful at tolerating my "Why the hell didn't you open last year?" attitude. We shared with him our kitchen saga, and lamented that the kitchen we were standing in was exactly the set up we would've bought. Had we done so, we probably would've saved a few thousand bucks. Ah, well. Maybe for the next house.

Ultimately, the only "bad" part was that the check out line was insanely long. Seriously. It took us at least 40 minutes to check out. Apparently, Cashier #6 wasn't very experienced. And according to the new, improved Cashier #6 who replaced him, he "just left." Couldn't handle it.

All in all, a good day. An exhausting day, but a good day. Next time we go, it will be on a Monday. And I'm wearing sneakers.